Dear C,

I'm not really sure what to you. There is a huge part of me that hates you and a very large part of me that still loves you. More of me hates you though. The thing that I want to tell you the most is that I won't forgive you for what you did to me. You screwed me up and broke me so badly that 6 years later I'm still trying to get over it. Hours upon hours of therapy and I'm getting there, but it is a slow and arduous process.

Aside from the abuse, I'm not sure you even know what you did that messed me up so badly. Well I'm going to tell you. You made me question my own worth. I wasn't good enough for you or to have your baby. So fuck you. You know what I've learned since then? I'm so much better than you. We would have had a horribly abusive white trash family had I stayed with you, and honestly, I don't want to live with your psycho-ass mother for the rest of my life.

The first time that you hurt me should have been the last. It's one of the only things from that time period that I remember very clearly. We were driving and you were so mad at me and we were fighting. You were so mad that you punched my dash board and then choked me. I was driving and we were in a construction zone; you could have killed us.

Over the next few months we fought and fought and fought. I stayed with you because I was 15 and thought that I was in love with you. Apparently I thought that love was supposed to hurt. Guess what, it's totally not.

Like I said, I will not forgive you. For a long time I said that I could never just blame you, but I can. It's your fault that you're a dick and the only thing I did was stay with you when I shouldn't have. I'm mad that I have PTSD from everything that happened between us. I can't do certain things without having flashbacks and feeling like I am in danger. Sometimes a guy will walk by wearing your cologne and it's everything I can do not to cry. I won't forgive you for it, I can't.

I would be fine if I never see you again, but we share the same friends so I know that I will. I'm fine with that, I've accepted that. But I can promise that when I do see you I won't talk to you and I most certainly won't talk about the our time together.

You can go die in a ditch, that would be fine. Oh and by the way, I lied, you are just like you father.

Love,

Your Ex