B

Your mom calls you that. Unfortunately, that's also what m family has always called my cousin. B. I hate it, because whenever Grams calls him that, your face flashes in my mind's eye.

I tried not to have feelings for you. Lucky for you, I'm a sucker for pretty much anyone who has feelings for m. Or is a male friend. Or pays attention to me. I fall easily, which is why I built all those walls. I was tired of rejection time and time again. But you didn't reject me, did you? Not at first. You waited until you broke down those walls, made me fall in love with you.

It was more than the fight with the youth group that tore us apart, B. It was that you didn't trust me, and more, I didn't really trust you. I thought I did. I tried, but there was still so much I needed to work through my own, that I wasn't ready to have someone else along for the ride.

You were ready to plan your future with me. Ready to think about homes and places to live and places to travel and KIDS! I didn't even know who I was yet and I'm sorry I hurt you trying to find out who that was. I never wanted to hurt you. I did love you and I wanted to want that life with you, I just wasn't ready. And I didn't know how to tell you that.

I was so mad for so long that you chose your mom and...that other girl, and their conniving ways. But honestly, that's not what tore us apart. I did. And I'm sorry.

But please, please, for the love of the man that I know you can be, stop screwing around with those stupid, slutty girls. You are going to catch something. You're also going too regret this someday, because I honestly believe you're a good guy deep down inside. I'm sorry I screwed you up.

Your Ex