To "The Group":

I felt so at home, so comfortable with you. Our relationship started almost 5 years ago, slowly you consumed my time and thoughts. I was with you at least 3 days a week. Now, I have cut most of my ties. I have a few friends on the inside still, but just to keep up with what is being said about me….childish, but whatever.

In the beginning of our relationship I felt at ease with only being part of the outer circle of the group, a once-a-week-er (no a real word, but you get my drift). Then slowly, your tentacles came reaching, begging for new warmth, new thoughts and ideas…awesome I have a ton! These tentacles, as I now know, are deceitful….new warmth is what they want, new warmth that will ride along with the old and mundane. Well, I was promised an outlet for new ideas in search of new growth, you LIED and now I’m OUT and I’m taking all those I brought with me…all my ideas, all my friends and you are going to be SCREWED.

It is now so obvious, the operator of all the tentacles, is imbedded deep within the newbies can’t see who the operator is. Well, newsflash, the operator is a guy who is so deceitful when you look into his eyes, you don’t see the love and warmth that the group oozes, you see the deep pits of horrible teenage acne for which I am sure he was relentlessly tormented and has left bitterness in his soul.

The break-up of this relationship has been long coming and the final straw on this camels back…the operator rather than being a decent human lashed out a tentacle and rather than lour in a new person, threw out a long-standing family deep from within the comforting walls of the deceitful group. Threw us out as if to say “WE are better than you, lowly unimportant beings, be gone with you.” Well that’s fine, we are gone and this side of the relationship has potential for growth and truth.

I feel sorry for the operator and all his people who are unknowingly stuck in his grasp. When they finally start to fight against the tentacles that weigh down their thoughts and compromise their moral values, it will be an ugly fight. Until then, I shall watch from afar these people I care about deep in the strangling tentacles of the operator carry on because they know no better.

YOU, “the Group” are DUMB and LAZY. WAKE UP, GET OUT, ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE FREE THINKING WONDERFUL PEOPLE AGAIN. Until then, I shall carry on. I just hope there is room for you in my life when you wake up.

~ME

Dear M,

You aren’t my ex, not really anyways. We were seeing each other in high school, but you chose her over me. And then you went off to college. We kind of kept in contact but nothing too extensive. Then you came home and I was single, actually for awhile I was not so single, but it didn’t really matter.

Now here we are a year later still playing our little game. I love our game, I want you to know that, and I love you. So why am I writing a letter to my ex when you obviously aren’t? Because I’m really scared that you’re going to be. I’m terrified that when I do finally get to call you mine I’ll fuck it up and lose you. I’m not sure if I’m willing to face the reality.

I don’t think it will be very long until you and I are actually together and that is so scary. At this point I can’t really lose you, but if we’re together I can. I do not want you to be my ex!

I have this terrible habit of getting bored and cheating on people. I am completely dedicated to not cheating on you or doing any other number of stupid things to put our relationship in jeopardy. I can’t tell you all of this because I’m afraid that you’ll think I’m crazy or just a flat out cheater.

So there you have it. Hopefully I’ll never have to write a letter to my ex about you.

Love,

Me.

Hello, this is Your Ex

Thank you for spending time on this site. I'm so excited that my little project seems to be working. We have already had 12 contributors in just a little over a month and 15 page views today alone. I hope that everyone is enjoying reading the letters.

I wanted to talk about a few things. First off, if you like Letters to My Ex, please share the link to the blog with as many people possible. Share on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, whatever. We want to get the word out about what we're doing here; everyone needs a safe place to share.

I realized that I didn't make it clear what kind of system was running the site. I am Your Ex and this is my site, I run it 99% of the time. There are 2 other site moderators that can get in to check our emails for new letters and comments.

"Letters" does not have to refer to a big, long formal letter. It can be a short email, a picture with something written on it (think PostSecret), whatever you want. We do not have policies in place about cursing, rude language, etc; I believe that it is important for you to be able to say whatever you need to.That being said, if something offends you, you are pretty much just going to have to not read that letter or possibly this site anymore. I will defend every one's right to free speech, even if that speech upsets someone.

 Thank you to everyone that has sent something in. Anything you send will be kept private. We don't save email address and we delete the original as soon as we send a reply that your letter has been posted and the link to it. Also feel free to send questions or anything really, we love hearing from you and we'll get back to you usually within an hour or two.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend.

Love,
Your Ex

Dear JAS,

You stole my heart at a very young age. You were my first boyfriend. You were my first kiss. You were my first love. We were great together at first. You helped me raise my siblings, helped me through my parents’ divorce & you were there every day just to see me. Here’s the thing though when you left my house you turned in to a monster. You were smoking a lot of pot and fooling around with God only knows how many girls. The day I finally figured it out it was far too late. I was a freshman in high school. You left my house because my grandma showed up and went and fucked her. Because I wasn’t ready to have sex with you, I was only 14. You should have known better. You should have kept it in your damn pants. Because then when my best friends boyfriend had to tell me you cheated on me with her, that was a low blow. Then yet again you lied straight to my face and said you weren’t going to that stupid dance and you showed up with her. I am glad I have the friends that I have because they were smart enough to know to make sure I stayed at my house so that I didn’t total your car because of how pissed off I was at you. They did let me punch you in the face which felt great. Then  when we did get back together you had changed for about a month, you had me wrapped around your finger again. Then you went to jail and you came crawling back. I truly hope that now after your last stay in jail you have finally pulled your head out of your ass. But I know you haven’t.  Now because of you I have to pull myself together when I see you. I try not to break down when I smell you. And when I hear your name my blood boils because of how pissed off I still am and how you still hold a big part of my heart that I cannot seem to regain no matter how hard I try.

Your Ex.

Dear C,

I don't hate you. I don't love you. I've moved beyond that years ago.

There is no eloquence I can muster for this, there is no consolidation. There is no need to be consoled. I don't even think of you anymore aside from the rare fleeting moment, and even then it's accompanied by laughter and the words: “What was I thinking when I said I was going to marry that?”

I may not care as you ex, I may not care because of what we had, but I care because I knew the man underneath beforehand. My friend. My brother.

The point of this is: Get better and stop doing stupid stuff now that I'm not around to mother you out of it. You're an adult.

I'm not doing it for you, who was my lover. I'm doing it for him, who was my brother. I hate to see old friends ruin themselves.

Let's see him try and do some good for a change.

Sincerely.

S.H.

Dear A,

I write this letter to tell you of a sadness left in my soul because of you. We met through friends as freshmen in high school. You were dating someone else, I was not. She dumped you for another and you picked me up. You and I went on 1 date...movie and a drink at Ken-Taco-Hut...such a date!

Apparently I was quite the catch because she came running and we were over. As my first “boyfriend” I was hurt. Your friendship has been such a blessing over the years, but our “relationship” was doomed because of a bitch blond you were looking to make jealous. I don't appreciate being the second choice...it sucks.

Forever your 1 date girlfriend.

R

B

Your mom calls you that. Unfortunately, that's also what m family has always called my cousin. B. I hate it, because whenever Grams calls him that, your face flashes in my mind's eye.

I tried not to have feelings for you. Lucky for you, I'm a sucker for pretty much anyone who has feelings for m. Or is a male friend. Or pays attention to me. I fall easily, which is why I built all those walls. I was tired of rejection time and time again. But you didn't reject me, did you? Not at first. You waited until you broke down those walls, made me fall in love with you.

It was more than the fight with the youth group that tore us apart, B. It was that you didn't trust me, and more, I didn't really trust you. I thought I did. I tried, but there was still so much I needed to work through my own, that I wasn't ready to have someone else along for the ride.

You were ready to plan your future with me. Ready to think about homes and places to live and places to travel and KIDS! I didn't even know who I was yet and I'm sorry I hurt you trying to find out who that was. I never wanted to hurt you. I did love you and I wanted to want that life with you, I just wasn't ready. And I didn't know how to tell you that.

I was so mad for so long that you chose your mom and...that other girl, and their conniving ways. But honestly, that's not what tore us apart. I did. And I'm sorry.

But please, please, for the love of the man that I know you can be, stop screwing around with those stupid, slutty girls. You are going to catch something. You're also going too regret this someday, because I honestly believe you're a good guy deep down inside. I'm sorry I screwed you up.

Your Ex

Dear J

I don't really even know what to say. The whole thing is rally a blur to me now. I look back over the last, what, 2? 3? years and I myself don't even understand it all, and it was my fault. K told me that I was the only one in the entire world that he would believe that I did it because I didn't want to hurt anyone. I ended up hurting everyone including myself and while I'm not sure you've forgiven me, K has forgiven me, I don't think I can every truly forgive myself, and it hurts. We've started talking again, just a little casual convo, but even now it hurts and I don't think I can do it anymore. K says I can talk to you. That it's ok. You know, he loves me. He really does. With all of his heart...and I'm so in love with him. He's my best friend. And while I know all of this really sucked? I'm sort of glad it happened. Every once in awhile, I look at K, and I think I cannot believe I'm actually with him, because at the tail end of our relationship, I really just wished I was with him instead of you. THAT, I am not sorry for. You did the best you could, but we would fight and fight and you did was take advantage of myself and my family. Seriously. You CRIED because you got job? Are you that lazy? I know you had it rough...and I tried to be supportive, but to be perfectly honest, you were dragging me down. That sounds terrible, but you were. I was trying to get a degree and you were trying to control me. I had soo many talks with K about you. He was being nice and didn't remind me too often that I should break up with you, but he was always there when you weren't. I mean really. How many times did you CHEAT ON ME? and I let you back into my life. K was SO ANGRY at you. I remember one time I walked to his house one night after I found out. I cried and cried. He wouldn't hug me because he was afraid if he did he wouldn't let me go. Then again...what I did was about ten times worse that what you did.

I will say that for the first 3 years of our relationship I was truly happy. I don't know if I could ever say that I was in love with you, because we were so young. But I want you to know that I do love you, but the caring type of love, which makes when I think about the past, hurt that much more. I'm glad you found someone, even if you do fight with her. Maybe it's your fault. I don't fight with K. We do disagree sometimes, and we have arguments, like just yesterday, but I say how I feel, and he says how he feels. So, maybe it's your fault that you end up fighting all the time. I try every day to put all of the past behind me, because I know we have all changed for the better. There are two people in this world that I have to forgive to be right with God. That is my stepfather and myself for all of that mess that happened. I want to thank you for the first 3 years of our relationship. You took care of me and were my friend when no one else was. I also have to say while I grew, it was not in a good direction. You stole some things from me, and K is just starting to help me get back to the person I want to be. I'm sorry for all of the things I did to you...I truly believe that we were not meant to be together, but I think all things happen for a reason.

Your Ex.

You Lying Cheat

You were my first real boyfriend. I thought you were cute and funny, nerdy and sweet. We liked some of the same kinds of movies, people, animals.

You didn't judge me of tell me to “get over it” when I told you all that had happened between the members of my family when my sister left. You let me cry and kick and scream when the hate and anger would boil over. You didn't get it when I talked about God or why I was so mad at him for everything I had been/was going through, but you listened anyway.

I genuinely thought you were someone that I could learn to love, even with everything I thought about the whole system of relationships. Why did I feel this way? Because you were unlike any guy I'd ever known, you liked me. You didn't think I was ugly or fat, you thought I was cute, adorable, even funny

It was only after the fact that I learned that I would learn that cute and adorable actually meant young and naive. You were three years older than me and you figured you could use my inexperience against me.

First you tried to pressure me into having sex with you. When I told you I wouldn't, because of my religious beliefs, you laughed. And then you found someplace to dip your wick. You didn't even have the decency to break up with me over the sex issue. THAT I would have understood. But no, you knew that it wold hurt me more if you went behind my back to do it.

I was fourteen years old! How dare you treat me, a child, in that manner? You were with me in the park, the day my best friend walked with me to meet you, and then you “had to be somewhere.” That somewhere was right around the corner in HER apartment. You kissed me one minute and turned around and fucked her the next. I hate you. I hate her. And all the girls after her.

You're married now, with two adorable children. But every time I think of your poor wife, I wonder if she knows you're probably out somewhere else with another woman.

Sincerely,

The Kid

P.S. Stop checking in on me. If you taught me anything it was how to take care of myself.

Dear S

It's been 30 years but your total and utter rejection of me still burns my heart. I have forgiven your actions and words as the actions or a stupid young man, but I will never forget the pain.

We dated for well over a year. I was so desperate to be with you that I didn't mind paying for most of our date. Or driving on almost all of our dates. Or even taking you to get your drivers license so you could drive my car on our dates. It was just enough to be with you, no matte the cost.

 You were my date for my Junior prom. We went with your best friend and his girlfriend. I have a beautiful photo of all of us dressed up and smiling, which was obviously taken at the very beginning of the evening. I expected a romantic night of dinner and dancing, but I got an entirely different night. You and your buddy decided to sneak booze into prom and get rip-roaring drunk. You didn't share the booze with me either. There was no dancing because you guys were out in the parking lot drinking and blowing a joint. Then, in the backseat of the car on the way home, when I offered you everything, you drunkenly told me (and I quote) "I do love you, but not like that. I don't think I ever will." I was crushed. And I had to sit next to you for the remaining 30 minutes of the drive home. Awkward does not even begin to describe it.

But still, I stayed with you for the rest of the summer, convinced I could change your mind. I returned from a 10 day vacation on the day we had tickets to Van Halen. In the car (my car of course) your buddy asked if I was OK. When I asked why, he said "About Kim." Kim? Kim who? What about her? Sheepishly, you told me that while I was gone, you had decided to date the 14 year old across the street. So we were done. Another awkward night for me. I had to hang out with you all night, knowing I was no longer necessary. And the salt in the wound? In just the first three days of "dating" Kim, you had had sex with her twice.

S, you should have been my first, but you denied me that joy. But you know what? When it finally happened, it was with a guy who really loved me and wanted me to enjoy it. So, you missed out buddy. It would have been good with me, but you'll never know that, will you? Am I bitter? No, not really. It's just something I will never forget. And a memory I will never have of you and me.

Your Ex from a long time ago

Not My Best Friend

I often say to myself that I miss you because you were my best friend. Lately, myself has been saying, "No, he wasn't."

You were never there in the night when I was sad or lonely. You weren't there to carry the groceries in or take the trash out. You weren't there when my dad was dying; you were in a hotel room with HER.

We saw one -- ONE -- movie I wanted to see in the seven years we were together -- and ONE play, which you agreed to because it was set in a strip bar!

We ate only food you chose. We watched only was you liked on TV.

You were the king, and I was your faithful servant.

Why should I miss that?

K

Dear A,

                From the moment I met you, I was drawn to you and completely aware of you. Of course, the first awareness was something akin to hatred. You were an annoying kid who begged for attention like a pet begging for treats. I found you disgusting. Then, somehow, you wiggled your way into my group of friends. I heard that you liked me, and was a little surprised. I still hated you, but now I paid more attention to you. Then you were dating her, and I realized that I was jealous because you no longer paid attention to me. Looking back, I was just as disgusting as I thought you were.

                It was that jealousy that made me want you. Not because I actually liked you, but because you were the first guy to ever really pay attention to me. It is silly and shallow, but then I was a silly and shallow person. I treated you horribly and you treated me like a princess. I honestly never deserved you. I regret every time I broke up with you and went out with someone else and then expected you to take me back like I was the best thing to ever happen to you.

                It took me far too much time to realize that I loved you, but eventually that realization hit me. I decided that I was going to treat you like you deserved, like the best friend you had become. We had good times then. I remember playing battleship and fetch with your dog. I remember asking to drive your car and you always telling me no. Then, one day, we were sitting in a parking lot and you handed me the keys. Of course, I never actually drove. I just loved the fact that you trusted me enough to let me. Those little things made me happier than you will ever know, and I wish I had told you just how much it meant to me.

                I never really thought I deserve what happened next, but writing this letter makes me think that I probably did. You, like many other high school kids, decided to dabble in drugs. You would blow me off to hang out with other girls and get high. You would lie to me about things that didn’t really need to be lied about. I felt our relationship slipping away and it felt like a knife being slowly pushed in my gut. We broke up then, and despite efforts down the road, we never really clicked again.

                It took a long time for me to get over our relationship. Even now, I sometimes mourn the loss of my best friend. Something will happen and I will think to myself “Man, he sure would get a kick out of this.” Of course, those times are becoming more and more infrequent. It won’t be long before I never think those words again. I think that hurts more than the actual missing you.

                I suppose I only have one thing left to say. Thank you. Through the roller coaster of our love, you helped me grow. You made me happier than you ever got to know. I just hope that, at one point, I did the same for you. You were there when I cried, you made me laugh, and you showed me that young love can actually mean something. It is because of you, that I strive for that happiness I once felt.

                Thank you.

                Sincerely,
                Your Ex. 

 Please send letters to your ex to letterstomyex@hotmail.com

Dear C,

I'm not really sure what to you. There is a huge part of me that hates you and a very large part of me that still loves you. More of me hates you though. The thing that I want to tell you the most is that I won't forgive you for what you did to me. You screwed me up and broke me so badly that 6 years later I'm still trying to get over it. Hours upon hours of therapy and I'm getting there, but it is a slow and arduous process.

Aside from the abuse, I'm not sure you even know what you did that messed me up so badly. Well I'm going to tell you. You made me question my own worth. I wasn't good enough for you or to have your baby. So fuck you. You know what I've learned since then? I'm so much better than you. We would have had a horribly abusive white trash family had I stayed with you, and honestly, I don't want to live with your psycho-ass mother for the rest of my life.

The first time that you hurt me should have been the last. It's one of the only things from that time period that I remember very clearly. We were driving and you were so mad at me and we were fighting. You were so mad that you punched my dash board and then choked me. I was driving and we were in a construction zone; you could have killed us.

Over the next few months we fought and fought and fought. I stayed with you because I was 15 and thought that I was in love with you. Apparently I thought that love was supposed to hurt. Guess what, it's totally not.

Like I said, I will not forgive you. For a long time I said that I could never just blame you, but I can. It's your fault that you're a dick and the only thing I did was stay with you when I shouldn't have. I'm mad that I have PTSD from everything that happened between us. I can't do certain things without having flashbacks and feeling like I am in danger. Sometimes a guy will walk by wearing your cologne and it's everything I can do not to cry. I won't forgive you for it, I can't.

I would be fine if I never see you again, but we share the same friends so I know that I will. I'm fine with that, I've accepted that. But I can promise that when I do see you I won't talk to you and I most certainly won't talk about the our time together.

You can go die in a ditch, that would be fine. Oh and by the way, I lied, you are just like you father.

Love,

Your Ex

Dear Ex,

I hate you. I hate that you mean enough to me to waste an entire letter. 

I hate that after three years of your absence, your abandonment, your harassment, your riddles,and your abuse, I still give a shit. I hate that every time I mention you at all, I see pain in his eyes. I hate that I've let you infect his heart, make him doubt, ever, even for a moment.

I hate that even when I have truly and honestly let you go, your stupid updates make me think, make me wonder, make me want to comment.

I hate that you really are going to do this. You really are going to willingly invite this stupid joke of a nation to beat the last bit flame out of you. I hate you for giving away the last smidgeon of the you that I loved so you can shave your head, put on camouflage, sweat, bleed, and die, for a country who is too stupid to recognize the shitter as it's being flushed. Most of all, I hate that I worry. I hate that I pray for you, that you'll be safe, that you will find peace, that you will have your dreams.

I hate that letting you go doesn't make the love or the hurt go away. I hate that you have never seen me as I was, or what I wanted from you, and the moment you glimpsed it, you were afraid. I hate that you still know enough to cut me to the bone every time you need a scapegoat and I get in your way.

I hate that I feel guilty, for everything. for fucking it all up, for moving too soon, for giving up, for fighting, for the you that hates me.

I hate that I am terrified to hit the 'send' button because I don't know if you're reading but I know for sure he is, and I don't want him to hurt anymore. He doesn't deserve to hurt, or to wonder, or to listen to me mourn for someone who condemned our relationship because he made me happy.

I hate that I want to lash out at you, destroy you, save you, hug you, and inspire you all at once. I hate that you still manage to make me cry.

And mostly what I hate is that I hate you and I don't. Because the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

And try as I might, working as hard as I can, I cannot for all I am worth manage to be indifferent.

I love him. I choose him. And still I am not indifferent.

Sincerely,

The One You Most Regret

Dear Ex,

                I feel as though the way I felt about you was misunderstood. You were just short of a princess full of class and elegance, you presence alone allured the gaze of all those around you. I however was not the same. I was naught but a pauper from the wrong side of the tracks; you walked around in designer clothing while I trudged around in baggy jeans and blank tees.   It was movie like the way we met, I was sitting in the terminal at KCI just returning from Brazil, you from Florida. It started with small talk while we waited for our rides. That turned in constant texting which brought a brand new and beautiful relationship to life.

I think the best word to describe it was inseparable, that untouchable power couple everyone else was envious of.  Then it went awry, that was a simple three letter word that ruined everything “sex”. You wanted to take our relationship to the next level, I didn’t. It wasn’t because I didn’t see you as an attractive desirable lover. It’s because I was afraid of falling into a love that was real, that was just make believe for the sake of those around me.

This wasn’t a high school relationship this was a real function give-and-take relationship in the real world. I was afraid, whenever we were alone and you held your body close to mine, I was afraid.  I just didn’t know how not to feel things for you and I knew sex would seal the deal, at the point I would have done anything and everything for you. The thought of someone having that much power over me made me cringe. You grew tired of the constant rejection and gave me an ultimatum not expecting me to turn around and walk away.

I always hear people say things like “hind sight is 20/20” or “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone”. Well I knew exactly what I had and fear let it slip away. I don’t regret having met nor the feelings we felt for each other, you made me strong enough to love another person, you made it possible for me to have the family I have today. For this I thank you, and for your friendship.

Sincerely,

The Best Thing To Ever Happen To You

This is a project that is open to the community, if you would like us to post a letter to your ex, please send it to letterstomyex@hotmail.com

Welcome to Letters to My Ex

Welcome to Letters to My Ex. I got the idea for this blog when I was writing a list of all the things I want to say to my exes. Some of them were loving and sweet, some of them were mean and hurtful; but I couldn't actually say them to any of my exes.

I want this to be a safe space to tell your exes all those things you wish that you could. I will post the letters for my exes as well as any letters that I receive from readers. I have a few rules for the letters, but other than that, please speak your mind.

• I will not post any letters that list too many identifying traits of the people involved. 
• Do not use your exes' names in the letter. If your ex is Jeremy, refer to him a J. 
• Do not use your real name. I'll change it before the letter is posted.

That's all. If I need to implement more rules, I will, but for now I think we'll be safe with these. Please send your letters to me, Your ex, at letterstomyex@hotmail.come.

Love always,
Your Ex.