Dear S

It's been 30 years but your total and utter rejection of me still burns my heart. I have forgiven your actions and words as the actions or a stupid young man, but I will never forget the pain.

We dated for well over a year. I was so desperate to be with you that I didn't mind paying for most of our date. Or driving on almost all of our dates. Or even taking you to get your drivers license so you could drive my car on our dates. It was just enough to be with you, no matte the cost.

 You were my date for my Junior prom. We went with your best friend and his girlfriend. I have a beautiful photo of all of us dressed up and smiling, which was obviously taken at the very beginning of the evening. I expected a romantic night of dinner and dancing, but I got an entirely different night. You and your buddy decided to sneak booze into prom and get rip-roaring drunk. You didn't share the booze with me either. There was no dancing because you guys were out in the parking lot drinking and blowing a joint. Then, in the backseat of the car on the way home, when I offered you everything, you drunkenly told me (and I quote) "I do love you, but not like that. I don't think I ever will." I was crushed. And I had to sit next to you for the remaining 30 minutes of the drive home. Awkward does not even begin to describe it.

But still, I stayed with you for the rest of the summer, convinced I could change your mind. I returned from a 10 day vacation on the day we had tickets to Van Halen. In the car (my car of course) your buddy asked if I was OK. When I asked why, he said "About Kim." Kim? Kim who? What about her? Sheepishly, you told me that while I was gone, you had decided to date the 14 year old across the street. So we were done. Another awkward night for me. I had to hang out with you all night, knowing I was no longer necessary. And the salt in the wound? In just the first three days of "dating" Kim, you had had sex with her twice.

S, you should have been my first, but you denied me that joy. But you know what? When it finally happened, it was with a guy who really loved me and wanted me to enjoy it. So, you missed out buddy. It would have been good with me, but you'll never know that, will you? Am I bitter? No, not really. It's just something I will never forget. And a memory I will never have of you and me.

Your Ex from a long time ago